I can’t stand “tough” guys. You know who I’m talking about. The guys in a club who wear the tight shirts, have the jelled up hair, and are just looking for a fight. When you go out to a bar you’ve got 2 types of ‘tough guys.’ There’s the people who are coming to the bar or the club for one and secondly there’s the people who work at the bar. The bouncers. I find them to be worse because they feel they have some almighty power over everyone. They act as if they are better than everyone. How soon they forget, you’re a bouncer. Nothing more. Nothing less. I recently had a run in with a bouncer that turned out to be quite an adventure. As a precursor, I was 100% sober in this scenario. So, being the small child with a bladder the size of a coin purse that I am, I find myself searching for the bathroom in bars often. While searching for the bathroom, I walked through a door that I would find very soon was for ‘Employees Only.’ I was quickly approached by a bouncer in a red shirt with a walkie talkie attached to his sleeve. He didn’t have any muscles, but what he did have in his favor was his height. He was a gangly turd probably about 6’4 with slicked back hair. Imagine me just staring up at a tree and arguing with it, but the tree saying “I can’t hear you down there.” This guy thought he was Dalton from Road House.
“WHOA WHOA WHOA, where do you think you’re going BUDDY?” he barked. Very nicely, I started to respond, ” Hey, I’m just looking for the bath….”, but before I could finish was quickly cut off by “You can’t go in here. Sign says Employees Only. We can’t have people doing what they want now can we?” What an asshole I thought. “Listen I’m sober, I was just looking for the bathroom” I explained. “You want to get kicked out of here” he asked randomly. He wasn’t listening to a word I said. “Why would I get kicked out” I angrily asked. “Because I said so.” BECAUSE I SAID SO? This is one of the biggest cop-out responses I’ve ever heard. Just because this guy worked here he thought he was the be all and end all of authority in the bar. While i understand that bouncers probably deal with assholes on a nightly basis, there’s no need to be an asshole to everyone. It’s the same concept as a waiter or waitress being rude or giving sub-par service to kids who come in to a diner because she expects them to not leave a tip. How do you know it wasn’t being rude that led to the lack of a tip? For example, this guy’s lack of listening and jerk-off persona pissed me off and turned me into the asshole he expected me to be in the first place. I was planning on leaving after I went to the bathroom anyway so I figured why not go out with a bang. Here’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. If you’re sitting, please stand up. If you’re standing, take a seat. Patting him on the shoulder I said, “I’ve just pissed my pants.”