I have a weird tendency to fall asleep as soon as I’m moving in a vehicle. It’s ridiculous. No matter what vehicle I am in, once we start moving and we’re at about 30 mph I will pass out. Sitting. Standing. It doesn’t matter. Comatose. If I had been on the bus in the movie Speed, I would have slept through the entire thing. When I was a kid, my family members would drive me around the block so I would pass out. So I’m complaining about sleeping. Sounds more like a blessing than a curse, right? WRONG. Last week, I was on my way to work. Standard 8am blue line train downtown to Clark/Lake. As you could imagine, I fell asleep. Imagine that falling asleep jerk you used to do in school. As if you were smack dab in the middle of an exorcism. You’d start to fade away and then bam you convulse and look around to make sure no one saw you. Of course, everyone in the class was staring at you because you looked like a bucking bronco. That’s me. I’m that guy. I look like a one man show trying to reenact Weekend at Bernie’s. While I fall asleep easily, any change in direction or sudden jolt makes me flail my arms like an octopus. However, this didn’t happen on this train ride. It’s typically the sudden jolt of terror that keeps me aware of where I’m at and when my stop is coming up. I must have been really tired.
Instead of getting off at Clark/Lake, I wake up at Washington. One stop away. I jumped to my feet and threw myself out the train door before it could trap me in for one more stop. Feeling like a fool, I waited for the train going the opposite direction. Laughing to myself, I thought it’s not that bad. Could be worse. Only one stop and I would be on my way to work I thought. 3 stops later I wake up at Division. I fell asleep again. Holy shit I thought. This is Groundhog Day. Would this cycle ever end? Welcome to Hell. I remember getting on the train and sitting down and then next thing I know I’m waking up at the Division stop. If you’re a drinker or you’ve ever blacked out, think about it that way. You had a few drinks and the next thing you know you’re running through a neighborhood stark naked screaming, “Holy Jesus Palomino!” I once again Bernie’d my way out of the train. While I sat there and waited for the train to come, I very calmly and casually put my clothes back on.