I cannot stand shopping. It’s at the top of my ‘Least Favorite Things To Do’ list. First of all, shopping is a real pain in the ass. The malls are always crowded and you have to fight your way through the parking lot for a spot (unless you go there 10 minutes before they close like a jerkstore, which in that case, you should know, everyone who works at that store hates your guts). I think the reason I hate it so much is because I’m terribly indecisive when it comes to buying clothes. I’m the guy who stares at a rack of clothes for a solid 30 minutes. Recently, I went to the mall. I found a shirt I liked (blue long sleeve button-down) and was on my way to the fitting room when I passed another shirt I liked (blue and grey long sleeve button-down). This shirt was so much cooler than the first one I picked out. So, I put the first one back. While putting the shirt back I found another shirt (green and blue long-sleeve button-down). The cycle continues for a good 10 minutes. Finally, I get into the fitting room, which is wall to wall mirrors. Every which way I turn someones I feel like someones watching me. It was a grade-A fun house. It reminded me of that Are You Afraid of The Dark? carnival episode. Side-note, that was one of the best television shows while i was growing up. Loved it. Back to the fitting room. This looks fantastic I thought. In my head, I felt like when I walked out of the fitting room people would stop in place muttering “who’s that” or “please sign my baby.” `
Then, I get home. I decide to do my own fashion show and see what the whole outfit together looks like. Imagine the final 10 minutes of Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead. It was a full-fledged production. Don’t tell me you’ve never done this before. Turning on Sussudio by Phil Collins, I danced myself into the new clothes. Mixing things up, I try the new shirt with different pairs of pants and even different pairs of shoes. After each mish-mash, I gasp in horror. None of these concoctions are working. The verdict? All look terrible. What the hell happened from the fitting room to my house? They really were fun house mirrors. Defeated, I took off my heels and wiped off my makeup before I returned to the store.