Way to go BATMAN…

It’s no secret I’m a major Batman fan. If It was, I guess the jig is up. Well, yesterday I decided to wear a Batman shirt. It was a white t-shirt with a black bat logo on the chest. Biggest mistake of my life. The fun started as soon as I got off the train. While walking, I hear the shouting. “Batman, yo Batman.” I slowly turn around to see who needed help. It was instinct. I turn around. “Batman, you got a couple bucks for the homeless.” I very nicely explained that I didn’t have any money. I don’t carry physical cash. “You’re an asshole.” I continued on my day. During lunch, same deal. I’m walking to get something to eat. “Batman! Batman!” In my mind, I’m thinking, “you’ve got to be kidding me. Two Batman shout-outs in one day? This is nuts!” I turn around to another homeless man.  “Mr. Wayne, how bout you spare a lil something for some StreetWise?” I inform him about the lack of physical money. “Ya motherless shit!”

At the end of the day, I make my way to the train. While on the train the city needs a hero again. They need the Batman.I’m sitting towards the emergency exit door. I can see a ruckus occurring through the window in the train car next to me. A man is sitting there yelling to himself and punching his hand. I watch as he puts his hand up with one arm and then punches it with another. Repeatedly punching his hand. This occurs for 3-5 stops. I can see the people in the train car are in sheer panic. One of them eyes my shirt and looks at me intently.  Hope in their eyes. Then, another person looks at me. Before you know it, all the people in the train car are looking at me.  All the meanwhile, this guy is still punching his hand. In his head I’m sure he was actually hitting someone. An imaginary friend perhaps. Whoever it was, they were getting their ass kicked. Then it escalated. He stood up and started strutting back and forth throwing his fists blindly through the air and yelling. I couldn’t hear what he was yelling, but in my head I heard “Dicks!”

Frantic panic spread throughout the train car. Everyone still looking at me waiting for me to come in and intervene. To put an end to this nightmare. He didn’t hit anybody so I remained in my seat. I watched him the entire time. Had he touched someone this may have been a different story. I reach my stop and exit. So does everyone in the other train car. Everyone except the maniac. He was still kicking Drop Dead Fred‘s ass. As I get off I walk into a parade of disappointed faces. Picture them all standing there waiting for me. Morose looks. Just staring at me demoralized. “Way to go BATMAN!…..ya lame jagoff.”

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