Car Troubles?

Let it be known. This is a story that’s going to be paraphrased. My friend Schwartzbaum told me this happened to him. A guest blog as he put it. He presented it to me as “I’ve got one for you.” In other words, it’s his story. I’m just retelling it. So Schwartzbaum dropped me off the other night at the train station. A nice gesture. If you knew him you’d know these come as often as Haley’s comet. As he starts to drive away he hears a rattling. His head shoots around the car looking for the source. Imagine him quickly turning around to find a guy shaking maracas in the backseat. That didn’t happen, but that would have been hilarious. “Oh Goddamn it, I just got this thing checked out” he barks. Now picture someone sighing for a ridiculously long time. The exhale of a dying man. Was it the engine? Was it the brakes? Was it something stuck in the tires? A body in the trunk? He had no idea. All he knew was that it sounded like there was a rattlesnake somewhere in the car. Disaster City. Population Schwartzbaum. He immediately got on the horn with his Israeli friend who just so happens to be a mechanic as well as a few other things. A jack of all trades. They agree to meet up the next day to see what the hell is going on.

The next day Schwartzbaum picks his friend up. As they start to drive, the rattling begins. “See! You hear that!? What the hell is that?” The friend says nothing. Calm. Cool. Collect.  He’s been here before. He’s seen it all. You’d think he was one of the guys you pick up on a mission in  Grand Theft Auto. They drive for a few more blocks. “Well, what do you think it is?” asks the curious and child-like Schwartzbaum. His friend slowly leans forward and reaches his hand into the cup holder. Seconds felt like hours. He pulls out two golf balls. He doesn’t look at Schwartzbaum. Instead he continues staring straight ahead with the golf balls in his hand. They continue to drive for a block while he holds these golf balls. Schwartzbaum just stares at the balls in his friend’s hand. No rattling is heard whatsoever. Sherlock had cracked the case.  Then, he slowly puts the golf balls back into the cup holder. No one said a word. Both parties just stared straight ahead. Imagine the car driving off into the sunset as we hear the shaking sound of maracas.


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