As you can see, I’ve changed the theme to reflect my favorite upcoming holiday. HALLOWEEN! Besides Christmas (because you get gifts), this is my absolute favorite holiday. If we could celebrate Halloween every month I’d be happy. Getting to dress up like a scary monster. What’s not to love? Getting a beef sandwich instead of candy. What’s not to love? Being trapped in a one way cul-de-sac while an army of kids destroy your car with eggs. What’s not to love? Mistaking a real guy in a Michael Myers mask as a fake doll and scaring the shit out of yourself. What’s not to love? Yes, all of those things happened to me. I went to someone’s house down the street and did the traditional, “Trick or Treat” routine. Turns out they ran out of a candy and all they had was a left over beef sandwich from Al’s Italian Beef. They would also give me $2 and tell me to pick something up nice. Then, another time my friends and I were driving around. We saw Michael Myers standing on the front lawn of some random house. We looked at him standing there for a good 5 minutes. He didn’t move, but we didn’t know if he was fake. We decided to investigate.
We got out of the car, a 1994 teal colored Geo Prizm, and approached. As we got closer, he started walking right towards us. I jumped out of my skin. I thought he was fake. Just like a horror movie, we sprinted back to the car. Mass panic ensued. “Where’s the keys!?” “He’s coming!” “What kind of car am I in!?” were things that people were saying. Finally I got the car started and screeched out of there. I floored it. Right into a cul-de-sac. We thought the nightmare had ended. As I was turning around, an army of about 1000 kids blocked us off. It looked like a scene out of Gangs of New York. Where they came from I’ll never know. What I do know is that they were heavily armed with eggs. They started throwing them as if they were MLB pitchers. I couldn’t see out of my windshield. They jumped on the hood of my car and on my roof and just pelted my car with eggs and toilet paper. I floored it out of there. I could have hit someone but what the hell. It was just too damn ridiculous. I pulled over a block later to use my windshield wipers and get out to see the damage. As I got out of my 94 Prizm, Michael Myers was standing in front of the car eating a beef sandwich.