Like I’ve done before, this is the retelling of a story. In other words, someone told me a story and I’m retelling it the way I heard it in my head. However, this story came from my mother so it’s just about as ludicrous coming out of her mouth as the way I heard it so not much is changed. While my mom was at work, she was called to the scene of an accident (she’s the police). Don’t worry. No one was hurt. But the story that was told sounded like something out of a Michael Bay film. That’s right, cars were transforming into giant machines and fighting in the streets. In all seriousness, someone was going about 70mph in the wrong lane, they swerved to avoid a car, clipped the front of it, spun around in a circle, hit the curb, flipped the car and tumbled through the air, did multiple flips and rolls like a Jesse White tumbler and then hit a light pole knocking it completely out of the ground. The car slid across the parking lot and was about ten feet away from a Wendy’s. Sparks spewed from the light pole like it was the 4th of July. The entire thing sounded like a nuclear explosion. What looked like a hundred people stood around the scene staring intently at the car on its side hoping that the person inside was still alive. They cordoned off the area and had the ambulances on the scene as my mom stood near the damaged car. They hadn’t gotten the person out of the car yet when the unthinkable happened.”Excuse me. Pardon me officer” says a man waltzing right through the scene of the accident. In shock, my mother replied, “whoa can I help you?” The newcomer, who we’ll call Dave Thomas for the hell of it, simply replied, “I’m going to Wendy’s.” Imagine that moment when the Jack actually pops out of the box. All hell broke loose. ‘YOU’RE GOING TO WENDYS!?! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” shouted my mother. Dave had completely ignored the fact there was a crushed car and a spark spewing light pole inches away because HE WANTED TO GO TO WENDY’S. He then stormed off muttering nonsensical musical jibberish.
Multiple other people would approach her as well. Characters like the “I seen it all” guy, independent working tow-truck driver, and the lady who spoke like a bird. Picture someone talking to you, but they are basically whispering and you can’t hear a word of what they are saying. You’re yelling WHAT!? I CAN’T HEAR YOU! SPEAK UP!! yet they don’t. They just keep on rambling. This bird woman just kept on talking, but none of it was heard. Finally, my mom walked closer and started to begin a sentence when the unthinkable happened. A wasp flew right onto her lips. ON. HER. LIPS. It stung her immediately. The audacity of bugs these days. Am I right? It got her real good. A vendetta. The hundreds of people standing there would observe this blatant attack. In slow motion, my mother roared in pain and yelled NOOOOOOOO while flailing her arms through the air like she was an octopus. The swelling began almost instantaneously. Within seconds, my mother looked like she was trying to do a Sylvester Stallone impersonation. “ADRIAN!” It looked like the swelling you get after you have your wisdom teeth removed. Flash forward 5 minutes later to my mom waiting in line behind Dave Thomas at the Wendy’s to get ice for her lips. She made her way to the counter when the employee politely asked, “Mam, are you having a stroke? There’s an ambulance outside.”