Sideways

Last night I just could not get any sleep. I couldn’t get the blanket to go the right way. You know exactly what I’m talking about. How you’re laying there and you lift the blanket up in the air, it comes back down and your feet are hanging out. It’s sideways. You lift it again. Sideways. You lift the blanket one more time. This time with more force cause you’re irritated. It sends the remote across the room like a rocket. Imagine a TV remote control on a launch pad and NASA counting down. 3. 2. 1. Drama. The remote hits the floor and it sounds like a grenade went off. Not a second goes by and the dogs start barking. People start knocking on your door. “Is everything alright in there?” You confirm that a grenade or gun did not in fact go off and that everything is alright. Your mother just stares at you and then closes the door in your face. You turn to get back into the bed and slip on the remote banana peel style. Crash. Bang. Boom. You fall into the rack of DVD’s.  Each one falls on top of you. One at a time. All 54 of them. Buried under a pile of DVD’s you rise from the ashes and crawl back into your bed. You sleep sideways.  One hour later, the alarm goes off. Time to start your day. As you go to step out of your bed, the blanket tangles around your foot like an octopus. You fall, roll right down the stairs, and out the front door onto the lawn. You lay there. Naked. Sideways.

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