What’s good here?

I remember a family vacation I took 2 years ago. It was the annual family trip to Florida. We go to Universal Studios, Busch Gardens, and to the beach daily. Who the hell doesn’t love a vacation? There are a few specific things that were said on this trip that will stay with me forever. They are iconic lines. It was during this trip that we decided to take a family photo. We all wore the same white polo shirts and khaki shorts. It was outrageous. I couldn’t keep a straight face the entire time. Not to mention, we had a very cute photographer. A photographer who would be at the same restaurant bar we would go to later that night. She was sitting at the bar and turned and smiled at me. I’d been joking around with her all day so I thought there might be something there.  Let me preface, I have been out of the dating game for quite some time. I was in a relationship for 5 years so I forgot how to spark up a conversation when it comes to being attracted to someone. In other words, at that time, I felt like I had lost my mojo. NO MOJO MAN COMING THROUGH! I consulted with my family. What should I say to her? What should I do? My step-dad looked me dead in the eye and simply said, “You go up to her. You ask her what’s good here?” If you’ve ever seen Along Came Polly, he had the same demeanor as Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character.

Everyone at the table agreed this was the best course of action so I went with it. As I stood up, I had the confidence of a lion. Imagine me actually being in a lion costume (with a giant mane and tail) for this scenario. I roared across the bar pushing people out of my way. Drink trays were thrown into the air. Innocent bystanders were thrown to the floor. No one stood a chance. Picture her sitting there drinking an apple martini when I just crash into the bar. I nonchalantly lean against the bar like I was a man’s man. A little lion man. As she started to say, “how’s your vaca…” I cut her off with, “WHAT’S GOOD HERE?” The music in the bar stopped (sound of record scratching). Heads popped up from their dinner plates. Time practically stopped. She responded, “What?” The nerves kicked in. Within seconds I was a machine gun pouring out sweat bullets. “Um….what’s, what’s good (smile), what’s good here? (points up)”, I replied. Why the hell did I point up? I have no idea. She just stared at me. Flash forward to me sitting back at the table with my head in my hands distraught. If there was ever the worst line ever, it was this one. Our waiter approached the table. As she started to say her name and what the specials were, my step-dad cut her off with, “What’s good here?”


2 thoughts on “What’s good here?

  1. hangryhippo says:

    hilarious and all-too-relatable (and I’m a woman!). seriously we all fall flat on our faces with people we’re attracted to but at least we’re able to laugh about it later.

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