I absolutely love the holidays. When I was young, it was because I received a ton of presents. Now that I’m older it is because I can buy people presents. Seeing the look on someone’s face when you hand them a live grenade is priceless. PRICELESS. A real explosive holiday. Besides the exchanging of gifts, I also love the festiveness of it all. The red and green lights that decorate the city, the Christmas movie marathons on TV, and the beautiful holiday music that fills the air. We all know the classics. I also love how every Christmas movie is about someone trying to get home in time for Christmas. Why don’t you just take a goddamn sick day or ask to leave earlier? Has no one thought of this? There’s one other thing that I love to partake in during the holidays. It’s having a Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks. If you’re one of those anti-franchise people who throws red paint at the door, don’t worry, they were going to kill these mochas anyway. Last night I thought about how I was going to order one today. There was actual excitement as I thought about it. I had a dream about it. In my dreams it was the perfect scenario. I was walking down the street. There was a line of people around the corner. As I start to approach the building and give up on the thought of drinking my favorite drink, a young barista dashes out the door and hands me my Peppermint Mocha while saying, “My apologies Mr. Nallen.” I pat him on the head and he runs back inside.
Well, that’s how I dreamt it happening, but in actuality, that’s not how it happened at all. Let’s skip forward to me standing in the line that extends out of the door. It’s 30 degrees out and I’m freezing my ass off. Everyone has their noses in the air. I watch my breath leave my body with every exhale. It feels like a year goes by once I get inside. As soon as I step inside a new song begins, “Jingle Bell Rock.” A song that immediately makes me think of Die Hard and Lethal Weapon. I’m met with a smiling face at the counter who asks, “How are you? what brings you in today?” I smile and respond, “I’ll have a grande Peppermint Mocha please.” He replies with, “Delicious. Whip cream on that?” I jump for joy and shout, “Absolutely!” While he’s tallying me up at the register I say, “I’m so happy these are back. I’ve been waiting a year for this.” Queue the sound of a record scratching. The barista looks up from the register and says, “you know these are available all year long, right?” I stutter, “wha wha wha wombo.” I had no idea. I thought it was under the same availability as the McRib. The person behind me gets involved, “Ya. They have these all the time. I’ve been drinking them for months.” Everyone in line starts muttering behind me. I hear some laughs. In my head I hear them saying, “What are you an idiot?” and “Who let this guy in here!?” I snatch my change out of his hand and shuffle down the line. The entire place stares at me the entire time I wait for my drink. The barista wasn’t even asking people what they wanted. He was just looking at me like I was from another planet. My drink finally comes. I thought, “the hell with them. I’ve got my Peppermint Mocha. This is all I wanted. Bastards.” I step out of the building happy that the drama had ended. I take a sip. Gingerbread Latte.