Mom Jeans

screen-shot-2011-09-19-at-10-28-07-pmThis is a story that my mother told me. It’s a tale about her finally becoming a mom. It took 24 years (that’s how old I am), but it officially happened. And to think it all happened yesterday at a Nordstrom’s. While in the kitchen last night, she told me about this traumatic event. She told me, “I was in the dressing room and just could not get in the jeans.” After one sentence, I quickly imagined her forcibly struggling into the jeans as if they were the leg version of a Chinese finger trap. A Chinese leg trap. She continued, “I walked out of the dressing room and one of the employees came up to me.” The employee was a skinny black man with skin-tight acid wash jeans tucked into black combat boots. He also wore a dark brown scarf that was tightly wound around his neck like a boa constrictor. According to her, he just walked up and said, “oh no…no honey….oh no.” His voice was very feminine and he was overly emotional about this ‘jean situation.’ Borderline tears in his eyes as he informed her that the jeans “just wouldn’t do.” He told her, “Stay here. I’ve got this.” My mother stood there waiting in a pair of jeans that were too tight. Finally, the employee cat walked back over to her and handed her a new pair. Imagine the the paparazzi snapping away as he strutted back over to her. My mother held them out in front of her in shock before muttering, “ma ma ma MOM JEANS!?!”  The female employee at the register covered her mouth to silence her laugh. My mother shot a glance and said to them both, “I can’t wear mom jeans.” The female employee said, “It’s ok. My mother went through the same thing.” The man model tried to make things better with, “They are just jeans…” but my mom cut him off with “that mothers wear.” He sassed her with, “try them on.” She did. They fit and the purchase was made. I laughed hysterically throughout this tale. She chuckled and said, “Laugh it up. You’ll see. One day you’ll be in the same boat when you’re putting on a pair of Dad Pants.”

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